The Subtle Signs of Abuse You Should Know

Domestic Violence comes in various forms. Unfortunately, physical and sexual abuse is the most talked about type. Not many people discuss psychological, mental, or emotional abuse, marital rape or reproductive coercion. Some people erroneously believe that if a person isn't slapped around or physically hurt, abuse never occurs. How wrong!

It's imperative that we understand domestic violence is not always easy to detect even if it is not visible to the naked eye. Nevertheless, all forms of abuse are traumatic and have short-term and long-lasting effects on victims that can hamper their ability to function in their daily lives. Here are some subtle signs that may indicate that you or someone you know is in an unhealthy relationship, or is a victim of gender-based violence.

Gaslighting

One subtle form of abuse is invalidation. According to Carol Lambert, an abusive partner can make you question your own reality by denying your feelings and experiences.

Here are a few examples:

• They tell you that you are overreacting when something is bothering you.

• When you confront them about something they did or said, they insist that you are exaggerating or lying.

• They disregard your needs or requests, invalidate your feelings, or dictate how you "should" feel.

• They imply that your needs or desires are unreasonable or accuse you of being selfish for having them.

Reproductive Coercion

Reproductive coercion is when someone - your partner - tries to control your reproductive choices by using force or threats. These include sexual assault, rape, and other abusive actions that affect your sexual and reproductive health.

Some forms of reproductive coercion you should be aware of are; when your partner hides or withholds your birth control pills; or when your partner pressures you to get pregnant when you are not ready. Or, they force you to abort a pregnancy because they don't want it. In this type of abuse, victims have no opinion or choice about their own bodies.

Financial Exploitation

Another subtle form of abuse is when your partner seizes control of your money, limits your spending, conceals financial information from you or refuses to work and forcing you to carry all the financial burdens in the home. According to The Center for Financial Security, financial abuse occurs in 99% of domestic abuse cases. Sadly, many people may never know that they have been suffering from this kind of abuse because of its prevalence. Some partners deny their spouse access to finances to teach them a lesson. But it never starts that way. For instance, they may kindly suggest that they handle all of the finances because you have a lot on your plate. It becomes more obvious over time, like when they bar you from accessing your bank accounts without their permission or feels that they have access to your own finances and accounts without discussion or care.

Examples of financial exploitation include:

• Making major financial, banking, or investment decisions without consulting you.

• Accumulating debt on joint accounts and destroying your credit score.

• Not allowing you to work, forcing you to quit your job, or sabotaging your career opportunities.

• Requesting receipts and continually questioning or berating you about your purchases.

Constant Humiliation Disguised as Jokes

You are being abused if your partner makes degrading comments to you, even in public. These remarks can be about your appearance, what you do, or anything else. If you speak up and tell your partner you don't like them, they may respond with "I was just kidding" or "Can't you take a joke?" They attempt to dismiss your emotions by labeling you as "crazy" or "silly" for being upset. Sharie Stines states that they may also imply, if not explicitly state, that you are overly sensitive to avoid taking responsibility for how their words have hurt you.

Being Insulting

An abusive person may use insults and labels to undermine your self-esteem. These Insults are frequently directed at your competence, attractiveness, and personal worth.

An abuser, for example, may say things like:

· "No one will ever love you but me."

· "You're too dumb to get a degree" or "You'll never find work."

· "You should lose weight" or "You should get a nose job."

· There are other people better than you; I just have to put up with what you can give, etc.

The Bottom Line

As we try to eradicate our world of abuse and acts of violence against women, it is crucial that we understand all forms of violence against women, even the subtle ones. We can close the gap by gaining knowledge and spreading awareness. Know the signs of abuse, speak up when you see it, bring it to the attention of friends and family. Lastly, if you are being abused, know that it is not your fault. Seek help and heal from the trauma.